A Vision-less Year. Are you ready 2020?
I’ve had a vision-less year.
5 years ago MVP Dance Fit opened and the purpose and “why” I relentlessly worked for.. isn’t the same. The obstacles I faced as a young mom and new business owner aren't the obstacles I face now. In fact, I would face those again over the challenges I had in 2019.
Yearly MVP Dance Fit holds an all-day training and at the end of 2018- I naively released 2019’s slogan as “you can sit with us”. It had all types of descriptions. As a small business owner who loves women and entrepreneurship so deeply, it made sense.
2019 turned out to be the year those I greatly and dearly loved left my table. I personally felt the loss of watching humans I genuinely thought I needed get up from my table and walk away.
Loss is horrible. Loss itself is hard, but what it leaves behind is harder. The emptiness that you couldn’t make them stay is arguably worse. This year I was tested harder than ever on WHO AM I? In triumph it’s quite simple to proclaim yourself as women-empowering, celebratory and just. But what happens when the world is cruel? What happens when the world personally attacks you?
For moments this year I gave up. For moments I gave into my grief that I am unworthy. You can try and fight and work and the world will continue to feed you mess.
And then.. something happened. Something I can’t describe logically. Something magical.
My life was saved in 2019:
When you reach the low. The low low. The darkness that tells you how much you are undeserving and unworthy. This is when I finally experienced freedom. While there were those who chose not to sit with me, I also had people un-willing to budge —and STAY! People scooted up to my table. They saw me. Broken. Baggage. Weak. When the easy action was to leave..they sat with me.
Sitting was uncomfortable— it was uncertain and not clear.. and there they sat. All my flaws and all my disappointments.. like warriors they broke through my hurt.
Countless times I would open my phone to find messages from MVP clients and staff that said things like, "I love you," or "I was thinking about you and I want you to know how strong you are" or "how proud of you I am." And then it happened. One day during my cool down song, "Rise Up" by Andra Day, I started crying. That was the first time in 5 years that I had cried during a cool down song, but it was actually out of joy. It really hit me in that moment that my focus on those who left was keeping me from seeing those who stayed.Tear-filled, blurry, over flowing joy.
My vision was restored. I am worthy. Welcome back Rachel! I missed you, and what I had the honor to witness MUST be shared with all I possibly can.
All the lipstick, all the rap music, all the fun and the “woos”... all the ladies... who knew the thing I thought I was destined to save would eventually save me??
“You can sit with us”. Saved my life in 2019.
2020 my mission will be to allow my seat at the table to be more visible. LOUD.
If your table is small. If your table is fragile. I am asking you to PLEASE tell me. My table - is long and strong and unconditional. I know humans who have made it their life's purpose to restore joy and hope in those who feel hopeless. I can see both sides and there IS LOVE.
Welcome 2020. I am ready. I know YOU are ready too. Join me.